Stupid fantasy baseball

I HEART fantasy sports. HEART them. Used to hate 'em, so much so that I utterly refused to play any. Then one year in law school, some buddies asked, and I've been hooked ever since. At present, I'm in 3 baseball leagues, 2 NBA leagues, and golf. I was in 3 additional NCAA tournament groups (not to mention other brackets I filled out for money), and hockey. But as much as I love them, as much as I adore spending time watching my team, I have a complete inability to do well in baseball. No, that's not even fair; I suck donkey balls in fantasy baseball. Huge, hairy, horrible donkey balls. The best I've ever finished in baseball is, I think, 4th out of 7 teams, and that's only because the three below me were a monkey, a midget, some guy in a wheelchair, and Britney Spears' vagina (which, surprisingly, knows its baseball -- no doubt, I was impressed too). Which brings me to this year. Of the three leagues I'm in, I currently hold 2nd place in one, 2nd-to-last in another, and 6th in the third. I know it's early in the season, but it's starting off just like every other: draft guys who bat .200 for the first month of the season, then be too far behind to catch up later on. We've got 6 more months until the MLB Playoffs, and my teams already blow. I hate Mark Texiera.