Where's My Medal?

Very quickly and before I get started, I wanted to point out that FearBobSanders (FBS) calls me retarded and then, almost in the same breath, improperly uses the word “adieu.” Yes, adieu is French for “farewell.”* So, without further farewell (??), FBS launches into his MLB predictions. I think he meant “ado.” In any event, I prefer imbecile, half-wit, moron, idiot, cretin, or changeling over “retard.”

* FBS, in your DVD collection of musicals, re-watch The Sound of Music very closely and listen for the proper usage of adieu.

I recently had an exchange with a friend who described his sister’s recent graduation from high school. At some point in the conversation, he noted that there were 10 or so “valedictorians” for the senior class. Everyone that took a couple of weighted courses* and achieved a GPA above 4.0 was a “valedictorian.” * Presumably, these courses were not shop, woodworking, AutoCAD or some other course for people who are interested in practical pursuits and not calculus, art history, or business management.** ** I’ve found that the people that focused their attention on woodworking, shop, and auto mechanics seem to be more successful than others who got a degree in finance or business management from Schlub U. and work in the usury department at [insert the name of your favorite banking institution here] printing out forms and hounding people into consolidating their debt or refinancing their mortgage. Anyways, I’m sure all of the kids knew who the true valedictorian was. Having 10 valedictorians sort of cheapens the whole valedictorian thing, particularly if you’re someone who has worked hard at being the best and showing that you are the brightest. Let’s face it, high school is mainly about proving how cool, athletic, or smart you are. It is not about socializing and making friends although sometimes more friends is the end result of being cool, athletic, or smart. Put more simply, it is about being better than others.* The same can be said of video games and jobs. * This multiple valedictorian thing got me thinking about youth sports and leagues that don’t keep score, don’t let players strike out, let everyone bat every inning, etc. Life is the same. It is about being better than others at something. With almost everything we do in life, we are either successful or unsuccessful. In other words, we either win or we lose.* Even in times of success, I think it is important to realize there’s still room for improvement and there’s still room for work to be done.** * The best real world example I can think of is the competition for a job or jobs. Our record in that type of competition is usually 1-?. We all hope we end up in the 1-for-1 category but most of us are hitting somewhere way below the Mendoza line. ** Lazy professional athletes please take note. If you reached the highest level of play, wouldn’t you then be working towards the Hall-of-Fame or being talked about as the best ever? With some athletes, I get the sense that they are simply pulling down a paycheck, but that view could be too cynical. Although it may sound trite, even in times where we are either entirely or partially unsuccessful, there are certain things we can learn about ourselves. Part of being a decent human being is being able to handle defeat both outwardly and inwardly. By way of recent example, LeBron probably failed to outwardly handle defeat in a professional manner. But more importantly, I’m sure he has newly resolved to improve his game so he can win with those stooges in Cleveland (or maybe elsewhere).* * Maybe stooges is too nice. They were more like useless piles of skin stealing much needed floor-level oxygen from LeBron. This theory explains why he spent so much time during the Orlando series bent over holding his shorts. While there’s room for debate, I think the benefits of establishing a pecking order outweighs the detriment of having everyone feel good about themselves. For everyone in the middle, i.e., for those who win some and lose some, keeping score and declaring a winner doesn’t create problems. I can see if people are continually beaten down, there’s some inherent unfairness in the way teams or players are selected, or someone is artificially placed at the top due, for example, to nepotism that problems can arise. But, there is nothing particularly evil about competition. Pantywaists.

Kobe Sucks

Here's the deal you either agree with the title of this or you disagree. So I'll explain why Michael Jordan is awesome and Kobe Bryant sucks. First, were the title to be Jordan Sucks, you would have to either disagree or be an idiot, whereas with Kobe you can agree. Okay, Kobe Bryant is good at basketball; he doesn't suck. However, I'll just provide a quick analogy why this championship does nothing to put Kobe Bryant on that all-time great level in my mind and shouldn't yours. Can we just imagine for a second, which players the Orlando Magic would have represented on a mid 90's Bulls team... Given how Dwight Howard basically only played defense this series... I don't think its to much of a stretch to compare his performance to Dennis Rodman. Here's an easy and offensive one...Turkoglu most reminded me of Toni Kukoc. Rashard Lewis played so poorly I'd have to relate him to Scottie Pippen with a bum ankle. You can basically amount the rest of the players to the likes of B.J. Armstrong, Steve Kerr, John Paxson, and Gortat will be played by Bill Wennington. Pietrus played well enough to account for Pippen's ankle. So we have as a starting five Pippen, Rodman, Kukoc, Kerr, and Armstrong. This is a par team and that's who Kobe beat. He wouldn't have and won't next year beat a healthy Celtics team (even though they won 2 in the regular season this year). In what universe would this Lakers team have beat Stockton and Malone even once. Here's the real reason Kobe Sucks... I was not entertained. I wanted to turn off my new Vizio tv when I saw that face in game 1. It said to me, "I'm a jerk who happens to be better than anyone currently on the court and I want to be remembered for something, so here's what I came up with." When kids stuck there tongue out in the 90's to be Like Mike everyone laughed. When kids put on their Kobe face out now, they're going to get slapped in it. When Jordan put his hands up it awe of himself it said to me, "I can't believe it either" and we were connected. Half of all the so-called haters like myself are going to jump ship now and talk about how awesome Kobe is. Its a sad day for me. Ironically though, I did imitate Kobe's game 1 face when I realized the Lakers had clinched.

"That's It" is retarded, and other musings

My compatriot recently predicted the fate of all 6 MLB Divisions, along with the Wild Cards, to come up with a prediction for this year's World Series. Thankfully, more time has passed, and I can officially declare the Cubs dead before dealing with the remaining teams. I had planned on writing a retort considerably sooner than this, but with work and all, writing took a back seat. Yet without further adieu, here goes: AL West Texas Rangers. I think the Angels are a better team, and they may very well win the thing, but their pitching staff took a huge hit when Adenhart was killed. And now that they're 4 1/2 games back, I don't know if they have enough to overtake Texas' firepower. It could happen -- like I said, I think they're the better team -- but I don't see it. AL East New York Yankees. With apologies to Boston, who seem to have lost David Ortiz to the H1N1 virus, and also can't seem to find a SS that knows what a baseball even is, the Yanks have the offensive firepower to get them into the postseason as the AL's #1 seed. Not to worry, however; their core is still averaging 35 years of age, so they won't do much once in the postseason. It isn't like C.C. knows how to pitch after August anyways. AL Central Can I go with "Who Cares?" No? Ok, then Detroit. I seem to remember that last year at some point in time, Detroit was supposed to score ~1000 runs, have starters with sub 3.00 ERA all across the board, and the Tigers were to run the table with their eyes closed. What happened to that squad? Other than losing limbs to their entire pitching staff and having every single one of their bats run cold for an entire season? My guess is a chemistry problem. Regardless, I don't see how Detroit can go from choking bitch to World Series threat in one year. Detroit is the pick here, but they lose to the Yanks in round 1. AL Wild Card Boston. Too much pitching, too much chemistry, just enough bats, and smart players throughout. They may pull it off to win the division, but even if they don't, they make the playoffs. NL West L.A. Dodgers. This may be the only team that could compete in the A.L. East and not lose 100 games -- but it's the only NL winner that has that right. The Dodgers have good, young pitching, and plenty of bats (especially when Manny comes back). NL East N.Y. Mets. If this team can stay near .500 while they figure out how to put their band-aid'd team back together, they have the chance to go on a run. Philly's ace is hurt, their 2nd best pitcher is gone for the season, and Ibanez can't possible continue to out-hit Ryan Howard. Point is, they can't maintain this, and the Mets can't continue to be this hurt. NL Central I'm picking the Cubs here. Granted, they are floundering right now, but D-Lee can't play this badly much longer, Soto can't play that badly much longer, Soriano is playing well (again), and Ramirez should be back any day. If Bradley ever bothers to shut up and hit the ball, this offense could be scary. I'll throw some kudos to the Cardinals for outplaying their ability for this long, but their charade must stop at some point, the Brewers don't have enough arms to make it serious, and the Reds are about a year away. So Cubs it is. NL Wild Card Philly. Everything I said above about the Mets could never happen, and those two teams could switch places. Either way, both teams are making the postseason. AL Winner Boston. This team has enough in its stable to make a big trade, and I see them buying another bat to put in their lineup, and that will be enough, along with their pitching, to put them back in the Series. NL Winner L.A. Dodgers. They have everything, and they should roll to a World Series bid. World Series Champ Boston. The Dodgers are good, and Manny will bat ~.600 for the series, but ultimately, they are just a half-step short of Boston in every category. They may make a series of it, but ultimately, Boston's talent level wins out.