NCAA Tournament

I'll move along from the talk of day-glo orange shirts, poo, and making eye contact with dudes in the stalls for a second. Allow me to discuss the NCAA tournament for a moment. In my introduction, I mentioned that I'll spend a lot of my time writing about the Big 10. Not only will I focus on the Big 10, but I'll focus even more on college sports, rather than those overpaid prima donnas we sometimes refer to as professional athletes. That being said, I'd like to quickly discuss the Big Dance. This year, I'm only in 5 tournament brackets, of which only 2 are for money. This is a small number for me. I'm usually in at least 4 paid brackets, plus an additional 5-6 free brackets. But since my Dad retired, and that window of $3-per-bracket-ass-kicking went away, I had to go cheap this year. Good thing, too, because I've only finished in the money once since I started doing this thing. When I won. And took 2nd. I hosted the pool, too. People didn't play in my pool again. Moving along. As most of you know, this weekend signals the Final Four, and then on Monday, the National Championship game. If you haven't been paying attention, and don't know we're at that stage of the best month in all of sports, then I urge you to throw yourself a Lemon Party, lock yourself in a room, and proceed to jerk off with razor blades. Because you suck. My initial pick to win it all, North Carolina, is still in it. My remaining Final 4 teams are all gone -- but that's mostly because I suck at picking teams, and I refuse to pick the favorites in all the games. (Unlike some women I know, who then try to act like they're all "smart" and shit. And I'm all, "Dude, your boobs are huge, but you know fuck-all about basketball," and they're all, "Oh my gosh, were you really talking about my boobs?!?," and I'm all, "Holy shit, you're retarded. But yes, yes I was." Moral of that story? Nothing. Except not to fuck with women in NCAA tournament brackets. It may lead you to talking about body parts while your wife is standing nearby. And then no sex for a month. Or two. Not fun. So who's going to win this year's tourney? My money's still on UNC. Lawson is the best PG in left right now, even with a bum toe. Hansborough isn't the dominating force he's made out to be, but he's got the best motor of anybody left (and maybe anybody ever to play the college game), and they can play 7-8 deep of absolutely ridiculous athletes. UCONN has the athletes, but I don't see the scoring; Thabeet is the most overrated big-dude I've maybe ever seen (seriously, does he do anything other than stand there and look stoned?), while their go-to scorer, Price, has a tendency to go cold from the outside for years at a time (literally; the guy can't shoot. He can go around almost anybody, but his jumper is worse than Shaq's). 'Nova has the athletes to run with UNC, but they don't have an interior defender to slow down Mr. Hansborough. He's not great, as I've mentioned, but he can tear apart weaker competition. And when 'Nova's guards can't dominate play, they're left without any true position to run roughshod over. Which spells doom against a team like UNC, who can score against anybody. The last team, Michigan State, provides the biggest challenge to UNC in my mind, and that's only because they force teams to play at their speed, and their speed only. Look at Louisville as a prime example. Louisville thrived on forcing turnovers and getting easy buckets. Against Team Izzo, they got zero fast break points. That's incredible. Absolutely incredible. So if the Flint-tards can exert the same will against UCONN, I don't see why they couldn't do the same thing to UNC. Also, it helps that they'll have the entire state of Michigan at the games, seeings how the games are being played in Detroit. Ultimate predictions: I see MSU upsetting UCONN to get to the national championship. I see UNC beating 'Nova in a 90-85 sprint. Then UNC beats MSU 80-72, in a game that Ty Lawson absolutely dominates. You disagree? Tell me why and what's going to happen. Bring it, bitches.