Where's My Medal?

Very quickly and before I get started, I wanted to point out that FearBobSanders (FBS) calls me retarded and then, almost in the same breath, improperly uses the word “adieu.” Yes, adieu is French for “farewell.”* So, without further farewell (??), FBS launches into his MLB predictions. I think he meant “ado.” In any event, I prefer imbecile, half-wit, moron, idiot, cretin, or changeling over “retard.”

* FBS, in your DVD collection of musicals, re-watch The Sound of Music very closely and listen for the proper usage of adieu.

I recently had an exchange with a friend who described his sister’s recent graduation from high school. At some point in the conversation, he noted that there were 10 or so “valedictorians” for the senior class. Everyone that took a couple of weighted courses* and achieved a GPA above 4.0 was a “valedictorian.” * Presumably, these courses were not shop, woodworking, AutoCAD or some other course for people who are interested in practical pursuits and not calculus, art history, or business management.** ** I’ve found that the people that focused their attention on woodworking, shop, and auto mechanics seem to be more successful than others who got a degree in finance or business management from Schlub U. and work in the usury department at [insert the name of your favorite banking institution here] printing out forms and hounding people into consolidating their debt or refinancing their mortgage. Anyways, I’m sure all of the kids knew who the true valedictorian was. Having 10 valedictorians sort of cheapens the whole valedictorian thing, particularly if you’re someone who has worked hard at being the best and showing that you are the brightest. Let’s face it, high school is mainly about proving how cool, athletic, or smart you are. It is not about socializing and making friends although sometimes more friends is the end result of being cool, athletic, or smart. Put more simply, it is about being better than others.* The same can be said of video games and jobs. * This multiple valedictorian thing got me thinking about youth sports and leagues that don’t keep score, don’t let players strike out, let everyone bat every inning, etc. Life is the same. It is about being better than others at something. With almost everything we do in life, we are either successful or unsuccessful. In other words, we either win or we lose.* Even in times of success, I think it is important to realize there’s still room for improvement and there’s still room for work to be done.** * The best real world example I can think of is the competition for a job or jobs. Our record in that type of competition is usually 1-?. We all hope we end up in the 1-for-1 category but most of us are hitting somewhere way below the Mendoza line. ** Lazy professional athletes please take note. If you reached the highest level of play, wouldn’t you then be working towards the Hall-of-Fame or being talked about as the best ever? With some athletes, I get the sense that they are simply pulling down a paycheck, but that view could be too cynical. Although it may sound trite, even in times where we are either entirely or partially unsuccessful, there are certain things we can learn about ourselves. Part of being a decent human being is being able to handle defeat both outwardly and inwardly. By way of recent example, LeBron probably failed to outwardly handle defeat in a professional manner. But more importantly, I’m sure he has newly resolved to improve his game so he can win with those stooges in Cleveland (or maybe elsewhere).* * Maybe stooges is too nice. They were more like useless piles of skin stealing much needed floor-level oxygen from LeBron. This theory explains why he spent so much time during the Orlando series bent over holding his shorts. While there’s room for debate, I think the benefits of establishing a pecking order outweighs the detriment of having everyone feel good about themselves. For everyone in the middle, i.e., for those who win some and lose some, keeping score and declaring a winner doesn’t create problems. I can see if people are continually beaten down, there’s some inherent unfairness in the way teams or players are selected, or someone is artificially placed at the top due, for example, to nepotism that problems can arise. But, there is nothing particularly evil about competition. Pantywaists.